It’s always helplessness
driving me back into your open hands
& the dark truth is I
only seem to pray when I’m desperate
& I think God knows it
doesn’t judge me but keeps it instead like
Anxiety is the phantom that follows
The hound from hell I mind in vain
but refuse to love
Everyday it bares its fangs at me!
Stealing more of my sanity!
I’m not crazy___
Under my breath I plead
I returned revived hearing my name
repeated again and again,
my heart strained// racing to the end
You have to eat, she chided, do you know
What damage you do to yourself if you
Somehow at the time that was fine
This budding sickness of mine
& [I had no idea what was next. . .]
It sneaks up over a cruel comment
Sometimes “family” isn’t family at all
I know you don’t meet your maker
In a pageant line
People don’t gaze at bones
Except you, perhaps
who matter so little
who’s involved so little
who perhaps wants
Sadistically, the end of me
(Authors Note: xxx)
Lo’ and behold,
You do as you’re told
and the consequence
remains the same.
Poor lamb. You shine outdoors
seeking hope in stars
because they fill the cavern
you made when you said “shame”.
Don’t you Ever want to start over?
Don’t you Ever want to turn back time?
Little defeats, apocalyptic defeats,
Nomadic retreat into yourself &
Ask yourself this;
Do you think even
If the outcome were shifted. . .
even the slightest
You still would’ve been
Who you are &
what you are
Stress is getting the better of me
Whatever that means
[Nothing’s Even Happening]
Taptaptapping on a tiny window with tiny curtains and mice with a mark for death
Sedatives to combat the persistent
fright/a very long night
[Fight or Flight]
Endless fatigue & a small space to sleep
Thoughts I can’t even express
But you get me; right?