there’s a lot I don’t say for your privacy’s sake or perhaps for my own peace of mind which is scarce if not impossible to find most of the time likening it to more than three million shipwrecks swallowed by the sea
I guess there’s more gold teeth than grains in the sand & I’m rattling mine
wishing for the piddly little trinket
to score pride
In my honor you did a comely thing
well Your Honor I didn’t steal a thing
I’ve paid my price
& did my time
you’re probably thinking
I’m thinking I’m free
because I gleam with my passions
& if I ever apologized for it
I wouldn’t mean it
Fire begets fire & I’m an arsonist I love it I can’t help it I want more more more bend like contortion & if you can’t breathe it’s a good thing I’m already etiquette – suffocating ninety nine percent of the time I just can’t control myself I’m echolocating my tribe as you read this and I know you’re out there
Even if we don’t speak|
it’s nearly the same as me &
I am a little soft shell massacre
in scarred flesh with two tattoos
and many complexes. I don’t have a life. I’m on the edge of something
to the next thing & I’m a little selfish I want the assurity you’ll be there whenever wherever I meteor – fall.
You know there were times my mother would pinch my dog’s ears & he would yelp so loud | I always hated the sound. I couldn’t guess why she did this. All I know is my dog is dead now.
I’m used to underestimation. Maybe you are too & we’re twins. People tend to shrug off what can’t be quickly understood. Then comes the call for my replacement but I left the station. People might have shrugged you off too. You might have narcissistic family too. You might be petrified of repeating the process of generational trauma too. Maybe it’s all two-way mirrors but I hope there’s a radio just so
I might hear you tell me not to go.
Honestly I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me so when you ask me what’s failed I’ll say a lot & what hangs over my head is just rot it’s been this way it hasn’t stopped not for a second I don’t get a second to breathe without something else happening a text message a love letter emotions spent and unfettered
its not on purpose it’s not intangible either its simply another level to play for as long as I am able
& this is all I have to give
because I quickdraw with no ammo lately
don’t hold it against me
Yeah you know someone must’ve fucked up my code I’m programmed a little strangely I’ve got Twitter but I don’t tweet I don’t know how to advertise anything especially me except for things you don’t need and it’s heartbreaking because I know the spotlight I want is the bulb too bright to burn I’ve got too much ambition for my own good it’s bigger than the solar system like a galaxy no one cared to name & seldom have seen it repeatedly
so maybe my use is in my ability to be a muse your right hand man your number two
don’t you understand your words are worth more than gold even if you don’t mean to be honest
I like it when you whisper
into my prayer box
the Programmer thrives on love
there’s a campfire on the outskirts of this verdant desert where my soul lays its head, and you’ll find me there with bare hands tied
the chest piece has broken off of this armor set & my weapon is missing / everything I have failed to do is red lining its way through stop signs & yield signs & traffic lights all blushing crimson
nothing is designated. and though there are no police on the road I am still averse to breaking a single law, or taking a single step towards my car / what do I need it for
I’m crossing this mirage blindfolded
I’m certain their target resides in holy water. Forget caution, light the mortar.
I hate the way it feels [like you’re nude] whenever you interview. Someone shoot their screen[shot] @ the casting couch. There’s skin everywhere. I’m a lonely soul, Unkle knows my roots & the experiences I’m bound to. Blood is thicker than water & it sluices off but then it dissolves. Sometimes the last thing it means is you’re family, sometimes you crawled from the same hovel. I’ve seen traitors wear the same mask pretending betrayal is high fashion. It’s awful.
I pull triggers because I like the boom of pulverized concrete. I’ve never broken a bone I might like it like I like the way you read my words when you read my words when you read my words and realize I’m hearing your narrator read me. I know what I’m doing when I’m doing it to you. I dive right in and jump right out like the floor is lava.
I really like how we wandered in this room. Don’t worry, I’ll put the fourth wall back up.
I want to be spooky together,
you know? Where people choke
a bit on their spit before they can
get the words out because of the power
& they can’t ascertain where it originates
I want the staircase in the forest
I want people to cross over
& when they
cross over, to be shocked
back into existence
You’re the only element I was ever
missing —-> it’s too easy to shrug
the facade off when you don’t need one
[ these dogs are no longer barking ]
our mob has relented
we’re safe now, mind the astroturf our journey has only begun
I choke on a heave of passion like an oil well in my throat. It coats my vocal cords. I cannot see through my own mists when I peer into you. I sift my mental maze until I realize it’s a labyrinth. There’re too many floors___ I don’t know which way is up anymore.
For a moment I cannot speak
I am learning to wear the mantle slowly
searching to articulate
give me your venom
your hollow fangs / shed
when they tear out in my skin
I’ll bleed into your mouth
& you might feel my rage
[we have been so betrayed]
righteous anger is endless
forever stored understand
I am my creator’s apprentice
a concealed work in progress
I was going to write something juxtaposing my weathered soul to a delicate antique, but I know in the back of my mind it was always an assassin’s t3apot. Even I admire it at a distance. Call it unconscious defense.
I’ve always harbored this fear that my creator isn’t proud of its creation. It’s killing me. We’ve all got a time limit but I’ve got the time to be aware of mine more often. I got distracted watching the clock since I first noticed the time is smirking. Something’s in the water/I’m in awe again.
This is your brain.
This is your brain 0N D7VG5
but not melodramatic
This public service announcement
I’m trying my hand @
as if anyone watches the television
J’adore scare tactics
like I don’t have plenty living
every second of every day ⏭
I just loved Biden’s instructions
didn’t see? Look it up
this is a game, an act, a show
The real president is running his teleprompter