wallflower wilt

When you are alone,
           be alone with me;
             speak                 freely/
        as though you
             were only talking to
                              in a mirror’s sheen.

       Tell me why, threading your fingers
             through my hair, we are so alike,
         then gently explain why we are not.
               Find the best & worst angles,
                   wrestle out my muted light.

               I cannot speak for you,
             though sometime I wish I might
              or could, but never would____

I Regret You.

I could fool myself into thinking
     everything was fate
         & it was always
          a sham & the worst part
                 was merely the time it took
                                   to know but still

       I don’t know Why it was me.
      It’s easier when I look at you like a
               masquerade mask
                  despite how your
                father’s white-raven feathers
                      cloud those sea green eyes
                  so clearly my own.

      It wouldn’t hurt so much if you caved
                  but I know you won’t/
                      [the battle worn-out coward
                            first of your name
                            I can feel their judgment
                                 the acid, the lies
                                   and the bullshit
                                            miles away

               Apparently, the definition of    
             familial love 
       is fucked up &
                  I must’ve misread it or
                       misunderstood it
                  for [enter your version here]
                         Here I was thinking:
                             love was unconditional

           Authors Note: I’ll say the words before you have a chance to. I regret you.


Break me back into place
   soothe these aches
       I’ve got whiplash/need a neck brace
                  monitoring the violent gradients
              of this       slapdash_spectrum
                    Light ———gray——–>dark
                    Spinning at the top like a top
   & we all know there’s nowhere to go
                            from there than to

             I’ve got all my marks to prove it
                           And now my bones
                                   yearn for relief
    I guess while I was searching for yours
                                   I barricaded my own
                                         skeleton key
               & I want the blood rush
                         be my human naloxone
          Bring me back
                       Bring me back to life
             Countdown from three minutes…