pain has a desperate chime
   like sordid breathless rhyme
      or tedious monotonous time
     sucking breath like
           a forested Chinese sinkhole

      Is it because I’m sedentary
       barely anybody respects me
         who says they’re worthy, loose leaf?
           burying a sure – fire cancer

          & maybe being flattered is
         a relief on the pressure
             in my mental crumbling temple
       gold and jewels there wrought

                 know, if I was you in your place
          right now, I’d fucking crumple, too


gag order

My heart beats cleverly woven
                       in your relaxed fist
 the rot in your bones
    glistening merrily [for Christmas]

           i can Never take part___
    active & stoic
           my smile reveals a thin line
                a breaking point///
         I have ceased to cry because it’s
                  all left inside
                         doused out
                held down
             a weight
                       I can’t determine
         if it’s hatred or faith
    [ they both breed on the same fence ]

        I am not the same as I was
     《《《《《《《《《《《《《 Before
            there were   so many chances &
               I took every one to say I love you

no poet here

I had a flash of makeshift memory
          I guess you could call by its
            true name: imagination
                   there were streaks
                                        of acid rain
         everywhere, yet, there we were
                            《  crumpled 》under your
                                    plastic umbrella as
    you swore in a low tone you’d stand
                                until the storm passed

             & I laughed, I’ll take you up on that
       because this weather is never ending
       & so seems you’ll
                                         until your legs give
                and you are forced to admit
                    I do not mean that much
                        and the umbrella drops

          & goes floating, far into the distance
                              I am melting
                                 I am wax, fashion
                           a wick    &     candlelight

               Watch me, ignite the night



& you’ll wake
    the same as you died
    the same as you were born
            in war
                the catalyst
                     was defined
             by an apocalyptic horn

 I’m sorry for
            I’m sorry
                    you were left lost

        They’re charging now| I think
        they may batter down the gates
            I may go unexplained
          but that piano in the darkness


Shut Doors

I was roaming in the dark
Searching for you and I hope
Dear God I hope you felt it too
I hope there’s some semblance of chance

Sweep my hair from my face
Curls and waves
Strawberry hemp mango trace
I am reaching out All the time

I think it’s in vain

I think you’ve been gone
I think I’m playing this [game?]

& you look on with glee
From your usual distance

Something told you to stay away
I am too volatile

Too… much [for you to handle]
Right now
Or any time


Bring Back the Pyre

Keening into the gloom
fog and smoke and gray gray gray
burying her last words
I wish I would’ve (this,
that & whatever other)
Pray for me but don’t

Don’t expect to know
When you’ll be taken
any moment [Now]
B r ea th e— they’re just

Pack the dirt under your nails&
allow the rain to ×disguise×
your tears/SCREAM if you have to

Pretend like you have a heart of stone
Pretend like you used to, long ago
Her flesh was so Cold
Pack it down
Pack it down
Pack it down


(Authors Note:)


My handwriting used to be beautiful
Now, reduced to a scrawl
I can feel myself weakening, but
like a rushing train, cannot stop it
I merely stand by,
avoid the impact,
brace the rush of wind as it passes.

Isn’t life? That train, that rush?
The adrenaline of not knowing how
Or when, your body will betray you next?
I suppose it’s not game over until someone
Or Something
Calls time,
/&you’d never know I was here.

Everybody wants to make an impact
And I fear I have/
But not in the ways I signed up for
It pisses me off how they shrug it off
How Nothing affects them but their own

Or am I talking to myself?

I wish I didn’t have the poetry
Didn’t start to write stories
Didn’t have all these Words
And no traction
I wish I had dialed down the rosy tone &
Shook myself out of my magical carpet
Where I/ in tandem with Them/
Hurt me so often

(Authors note: )




I used to believe
you were too selfish
to let me depart
so you said, in our final act

I liked that about you
Your steely blue eyes
And your fire retardant armor
Was there ever an argument
I could win?

Perhaps I just miss the attention
Or the surprise conversation
I see now…
I was never part of your fo(u)r
Five/fifteen year/ ever* plan

Maybe you cut your losses
& you added to mine for

(and I’ll always say it was for the best)