I can’t claim to have depression all I know is I’m feeling


                  right now & too often & I don’t even want to see my own reflection it makes me sick
     I really try to be positive when tested
              like the entire abbey of defrocked monks busted for meth
       you know this disease seems sentient
     hovering in the doorway can’t shake its presence so I’m self conscious when I walk with it but you’re my first welcome audience
                   seemingly a bad joke dressed as a warning for holy men
                  when there’s none to be found
       would I could I should I show you the evidence
          I keep collecting things I discovered by accident placed in the fast lane I’ve got my windows tinted past the legal limit serendipitous


Authors Note: I hope your pillow is cold on both sides & I’m not sorry

without sounding the main ⏰

I’m eating breakfast for dinner wondering why all these crypto-billionaires are resetting their characters Simon says this pattern is deliberate I’m no believer of coincidence never have been I love all of those times I’m seen but never heard I like to return the favor but I’m installing boundaries instead hate to ruin the girlfriend experienceTM
             I am many things to everyone & yet my family reminds me consistently they’re on the fence as to whether or not they can trust my memories when I’m not even making up stories
                   So far it’s not going good enough Mom is mentally ill & I can’t do anything right that’s why I immerse myself in signs & planets how fucking redundant
                     This is all a sham(e) like “dying unexpectedly” who knows maybe I’ll be ne


the best part is coming up

you’ve gotta know the news is
     such a form of entertainment now
     I’ve gotta use it so when I mention
           the new Barbie dolls are sickening

I’m not kidding look it up

I’m dead stopped @ juxtaposition
   if you get my drift
            there isn’t a line left uncrossed
      any space is worthy
             of occult tradition

[ even children are made to participate

in ritual exhibition

           remember the 2012 Olympics? ]

           you have to imagine the cult life ©
              as unimaginably boring
       always the same thing
               single eyes blinking
     whether it’s Mattel Katy Perry
                or fashion Vogue

I love how Kanye outted his celebrity trainer
           I love how in your face it’s become
                    & for conspiracy theorists
        it’s been a hazardous jaunt
                 round of applause


the mushroom cloud born in the 1700s

Stop licking psychedelic toads
    the park service warns
   you’ll see Cleopatra’s tomb too
      greatest discovery of the 21st century
                                      [as of now,
                     it’s not as if we’re all not pawing
             for recollecting ourselves
                       on some level
             fuck your copycat filter]

        I’ve been accused of eccentricity
            & that used to bother me
      immensely thank God for ingenuity
              & now I’m just a bomb
      set me off I’m begging you



a girl has intrusive thoughts

I never get a full night’s sleep it’s a little concerning but I’m learning to accept it after all nothing has changed since I was small & expectant or empty handed & petulant I’m telling you, nothing has really changed except my health & my hair is a little gray I can’t die down the silver in the stretch even if the weight has gone the body recalls therefore my trauma has no expiry just flash on flash on flashbacks

          I am forever waiting for the other shoe
              like waiting on the reaction of a disappointed parent
                      the disappointment I faced
          was vehement
                   apparent since

        maybe I came into this world a villain
   now I’m just fulfilling my role
         I hope you’re all caught up now
          I know you’re blind to the light


happy anniversary says WordPress

Six years have slithered past
   the time I’ve kissed your neck
      from the chopping block
         & slammed it back

  I love and hate this fucking place
      that’s how I know
                      it feels just like home
   & now six years have gone right by
         and I am picking off the barnacles

   I’m hoping I don’t short circuit
          depart and blackout
    I need you to know
         I don’t want to sleep alone


it’s almost poetic

there’s an indecency about traffick jams that reek of irony & honey and blood money frankly there’s always been greedy hands waiting for the bills traded for slaves with interchangeable names humans have always been for sale I think reality is too real to be anything but low key
                 these things are happening while you struggle to feed your family
                    these things go on while you try to soothe your friends
              about how the world is better with them in it and it is
                    [we never lie to prevent suicide]
     we simply become the man in space
             looking @Earth from a distance
                          but there is a fellow universe
     in the subatomic
               so my question is
                   which scares you better?

            I prefer the big bounce to the big crunch



I play who’s who with myself
    like a game show I’ll forever lose
  I am the ghost bride
            in a two-toned veil

                    wiping the saliva from my lip
          looking through

                     refusing to hide those teeth
          that are pointed


when gods of vengeance call

I am certainly up too late
       & too long [promises promises]

       Its just: there are too many stars tonight
        trembling violently as a reaction
                      to your phantom touch
               talking to myself
waiting for the jumpscare
         it’s too peaceful

                      I am Soft the unreliable
               unintentionally playing phone tag
                       with my grandmother

                            There are too many stars
         & I just saw the brightest one
                    flit             —>>>>               

          I know it’s deafening
             my madness makes La Llorona
                           palatable that
               this leather fist gripped once
                   around my heart
                     stops time as it squeezes

my thigh


there is no tourniquet

Are you malleable per suggestion
                   do other people’s fibs affect it?
        Does it sting when you detect it
     even if the other person takes
   the reacharound scenic route
                  just to ETA the same burned out destination
               [will be on the left
           because we all had to]

are you as I am
           can truth recruit the thought army I need
                      for a worldwide resolution

                     my mother’s knack for never teaching emotional intimacy
            swarmed this telltale creator with flies
                      I was a ribcage aflame @ the end
              my poor beating heart

   I feel alike a likeness on a missing poster
              whenever someone never fully invested
                        doesn’t ever go in search of her

           I wake up and feel for you because my culprit brain thinks someone is there
                  when I fall asleep alone
         I can blame dreams
              I believe that’s where you were created
                     & where you’ll go to die
                                          at this point
                                    so shall I