comment here says idfc

the trampoline you set up upstairs
       makes me want to kill your children
       I guess parenting is too good a game
                  for you to play/
                  but once a day

      I’ll forfeit the entire match
           on purpose,
           I don’t want a piece of the pie
           I don’t want to invest in broken shit

          I can’t imagine my offspring
                   would be anything more
                      than bored with everything
            judging you, and me, too
                   for being so fucking complacent


Me-m|ory Ga/ps

because you think everything
                  you love can be replaced
        a churlish lie is just pleading to be
                    In reality——–
           I am sick of dreaming

            Inspired by: NF – Lost

Thief in our Midst

The audit is null
                                     & void
                                I have nothing
                          yet nothing is up for grabs
             Except in verbatim
                     Word for word
                    Exchange and
                        replace them

I now realize
       I am always looking over
                     my shoulder for a reason

             What do I have that
                 makes me so…   [insert that]
                              I despise thieves
                       though I’ll romance them
     drink back to back &
     wake without a dollar
                  to my name
             hunting for none to replace

     Liquored up |||||| they slipped: a heart
    was the greatest thing they’d ever stole


The Fool

There isn’t a damn thing I would rather
    do than make a fool of you&
     force you alone this Thanksgiving,
                         oh Mother,
             spare me your cruelty
   Just.                  This.                     Once.

Fourteen hours straight
         with you & your poodle I’d like
                            to hang
         maybe Daisy knows
   that’s why she flashes $5000

                at me

I refuse to play this game
              we will never be the same
                 I’d rather exit
                                 stage right
            just in time

   Death and taxes
       are the only promises
                in life


Left in Stitches

 Don’t misinterpret
                don’t misread
         [seeing yourself reflected in my
                            languid pool always
                              means the death of me]

   It’s no accident that I’m quiet.
                  This barely means
       I’m speechless; done with that.

        Why do I always become the villain
                            in everytaker’s fairytales?
                   They have never met [me]
                            but never fail to use [me].
                       For my empathy, my interest,
                               my creativity, my soul.
                            It’s an… antiquity, I know.
   & every time you fail it’s like  …
      my mouth stretches/and stretches
  I smile, my sutures split o p e n
                                       I can’t help
                                                     the smirk


oh, j’adore war


Breathe Deep

I always like to send a message
            by trial and error
               by fire and shatter
                  gunshot silenced
                                 & brain pierced

I don’t give a fuck what you think
                                                  [of me]
             but I do give a fuck what you think

                         Do you remember when I
                                 told you to hold the line
                            Do you remember how I
                                 said to hold fast?

There may have never been time for that
                  & certainty shows
                              in simplicity
                   [s]words like death
                          life, love, pain, poor,
                                 rich, hate, decay
                                      Freedom carries
                                            responsibility we
                                  instinctively know/ but
                                      if we’re not used to it
                              did we ever really own it?

               Maybe this is why we are all here
                                        to wave the past on

                           We’re making more sense
                                          every day of

        T h e           L o   n   g           C  o  n


Best of Luck

untrained in dementia
& alzheimers patients, I gaze around;
these seniors are wilted
drenched by faded sun through drawn curtains &
tempered light from the television

They’re tired, you say, oh-so-casually,
I’m tired too. . .

You don’t know this, miss, but
I couldn’t sleep mulling this interview
I arrived to the wrong place first &
still pressed on, accepting then
I’d fucked my first impression

heart thundering & shifty-eyed
you say you’ll show me downstairs
a dozen old couches and antique chairs
tables, refrigerators, porcelain plates
washers, dryers, scattered remains
of lives … and I
[could’ve bolted through the back door]
slammed back in my car &
LEFT [there and then]

That’s when I said fuck it, because
I know what people like you hate to hear
So—- I said what I did
Just to make you distrust me since

You’d reminded me when I was worn
                               down to
                               my last
      And asked if there was something
                                me/ that

Hiding my disease feels necessary
& I have no other choice, but
unlike your cheery bullshit
I know society at large doesn’t give a fuck
about these poor people
about you
or me

Best of Luck —


[Authors Note: even if we could switch shoes I wouldn’t let you walk in mine for a second]

The Fly

I wake
tears rumbling
         from my eyes
as if I’ve mourned &
Would that I could /

If only you had died
If only you had relieved yourself
Of this world’s heaviest burden

& you never heard a single sound
nor will you ever read another word
This Hades has become
the lava pit for them now

I am too kind
Too kind


Chronically Ill

Shame decorates my face
like henna &
bitterness poisons my blood
the pressure is sometimes
Inexplicable but always fucking

When I reflect on my inner world
& how it has not
changed from this sparkling fantasy
to what it’s really supposed to be
The reality is that
I am running mazes constantly

How plain can it get?
My music bursts the eardrums. . .
it furls the tongue ///
& I would never wish this on Anyone


Don’t Say That

Bark your orders &
Drink your liquor
I know what’s not welcome

You’re so concerned about
What’s gonna come out of my mouth

And maybe it’s a bit sensitive of me
To feel this way but/
Fuck you for trying to silence me

As if I’m a piece of property

But this is your celebration right?
Well congratulations,

Your paranoia was well founded
You did hurt someone last night

[The wrong one]