bouncing back

I love a silver echo, you’re
    usurping a melody I can’t contain
         revising the time
     between Templars’ Gregorian chant

and the lull of Spring rain

      I feel it,
          like God/ & continuously seek it
                                              always find it
                             hidden between stones
                                           and violence
                                    however polished

         I think you’re already beside me
                  maybe I’m simply hallucinating


Lilith in Sagittarius

I never had syrupy words
      for you to discover
              buried in the dark on crepe paper
       when I am hardly alive/

  Ignore the butchered woman
         outside. Black Dahlia was a
                  ritual sacrifice____

Do me proper,
     tease me in public. What is your
  concept of ownership?

         Drink a little more poison.
                  We’ll high-rise together.
   You hate to love me
                as hard as you do when
      I’m toxic.

      Even Nostradamus never
       saw me coming.



pain has a desperate chime
   like sordid breathless rhyme
      or tedious monotonous time
     sucking breath like
           a forested Chinese sinkhole

      Is it because I’m sedentary
       barely anybody respects me
         who says they’re worthy, loose leaf?
           burying a sure – fire cancer

          & maybe being flattered is
         a relief on the pressure
             in my mental crumbling temple
       gold and jewels there wrought

                 know, if I was you in your place
          right now, I’d fucking crumple, too


chaotic neutral.

I think too long before I speak. My diction is on parole & I yearn for eloquent & perfection is always near 2nd. I can’t help but strive to be [excellent] so do me the honor of pretending you can’t sense my judgment; play this game with me. I exude a poor act like an absence of confidence, my inner monologue is no fan of me either. The voice has disappeared.

Silently it tells me these bad dreams are abandoned children of an illness haunting my genes / I try not to buy in & believe. All those seductive lies are gone, too. They were pretty once. Meanwhile I’ll smile for the camera and twist your umbrella in bad weather. I want to fly away lodged somewhere between whore and Madonna. Peeking through blinders over the neighbors; never said a word. I guess I’m too like my father. We both have switches fatefully placed. Flip them at will.

Can’t bake without a recipe; I bring no pastry that isn’t laced. My heart races even when I rest and I assume around the corner a medical emergency awaits. My doctors assume death embraced or nothing is wrong since I never call… I couldn’t foot the bill either for good health or the marble-colored limousine through the gates of hell at my funeral.

I gave it all I got for certain.


the bonsai man

Enduring adversity from all angles
    brutally beautiful
             in his creator’s gaze
                     & mine

  the art of mimicking invulnerability
                   @ a seconds notice
                           direct — to obstinate
                    nurturing nature’s perfection

           never pleading for reprieve
     merely the strength to withstand
                             given the need


breadcrumbs are for the birds

I don’t like being alone
    yet I don’t like being in a crowd

       I’ve adapted to loneliness
           now it’s second nature
              is it wise
                   did I have a choice

                             How exactly
                         does introspection
                               present itself

                       How else does one mend
                           fences in themselves
                                 they’ve broken?

                       Who do people announce to
              time & again their own staggering

Their epiphanies/their rebirth?

                            Who then
                                 besides them
                                      gives acknowledgement?


don’t panic

Yeah I’ve got a second
   let me catch my breath
     spending hours on the phone
        even if

             all the time
       I’ve got

              producing audiences
                   I’m a showdog dontcha know?
      the bitch who bit her owner
                           during the show
                  & still won the highest medal

                   careful now —


caring for poltergeists like Tamagotchis

I am threaded
     wielding blades
       like [death to] a salesman

         sitting pretty in abstract misery
     gliding over keyboard keys
            as/if musically

              I am caged

                    breathing for ______
         sunbeams to break
                    through the overcast
                           sanguine as the demon
               against my back

                         whispering for nothing

            ghosts never see fit
                                   to haunt me