the torment machine

vivid dreams never scared me until I realized my mind was a bit of a torment machine it caused me to think you were in bed with me and then you weren’t

         but I was still talking since
            I thought you were hiding your face with the blankets &
           it took me a minute to accept I was
        just as alone as I was when I woke up
                  it took me an excruciating moment


an epiphany

acting as an observatory & with me you will gain a very different perspective rest assured I am worth a moment of your time and you won’t spend a cent

              My life has been silence bled transparent out of my brazed mouth & sometimes you swear I made a sound out loud but
       I prefer this
           I like when you can’t hear me coming
                 even when you’re expecting it


the monster I’m made

I am an outlier the worst kind & the worst part is I stand by it

  I’m grinding
   letting you believe the foil of aluminum foil is mine

       My jaw is killing me
        & I think I belong in the backrooms
           [ no sense of time ]

                 Constantly on defense

       & splitting

                         making waves because
                            I’m thrashing

                  Let me sink


two 50 six AM

bitter as the thorns on the rose that pricked your finger it’s a good thing you didn’t kill yourself when you dreamt it up
       trigger warning I really hate having to use that but if I don’t you’ll cancel me before I even premiered
            as if I ever aired to begin with I’m a fucking lunatic but you all seem to like me so I’ll keep talking just ignore the dust bunnies
               I try to sweep ‘im under the rug but little bits keep tracing all around my house its hard to get ‘im out without burning it down
                  do you like disaster games?


a couple of couples in verse

The world allows
   brief moments of perfection
    when they spring out of the pearl
like Venus herself
       either way I’m in awe

      there’s a warning for falling in love
    with the poets
        who master surrealism
               they’ve already written your myth
      & the problem is

                  they never anticipate the end


the devil’s daughter

A step forward will place me
  three steps shy of three steps
    so much so
              it seems forward
    but never quite

      I find so often I enjoy humanity
        & all the little features

             but I look in a full length mirror
      I yearn for this reflection
                 [being your other half
     like a smoky portrait I haven’t yet taken]

              hands folded alone

in burning black gardens
      @ night


another word for naive

Shall I
   shall I
      shall I
   be afraid
        of you

      what pause do I take now

           on these abandoned tracks
      carved in my arms with glass
             this silver rediscovered
      against my navel
              what fear_______________

                          as my brain codes
            I famously
                           flirt aimlessly
               with cardinal sin

      what fear and astonishment I take
                                here & now


a girl flashes her voyeur @ 230 AM

I am a little soft shell massacre
    in scarred flesh with two tattoos
        and many complexes.  I don’t have a life. I’m on the edge of something
             to the next thing & I’m a little selfish I want the assurity you’ll be there whenever wherever I meteor – fall.

    You know there were times my mother would pinch my dog’s ears & he would yelp so loud | I always hated the sound. I couldn’t guess why she did this. All I know is my dog is dead now.

    I’m used to underestimation. Maybe you are too & we’re twins. People tend to shrug off what can’t be quickly understood. Then comes the call for my replacement but I left the station. People might have shrugged you off too. You might have narcissistic family too. You might be petrified of repeating the process of generational trauma too. Maybe it’s all two-way mirrors but I hope there’s a radio just so
       I might hear you tell me not to go.


aren’t you the main charac

This plug won’t fit in my extension cord
  it CAN’T reach ____ sound familiar
           won’t connect . . .


           I gotta say I’m impressed

                               [kinda perplexed but

              impressed nonetheless
      had me in suspense for a second
                    it’s like I just woke up]

      you nailed me to the floor honey,
                    right on the fucking money
                      I had a good time    》

               here’s your tip


the sound in your ears when you clench your eyes shut

there’s sparse hope in gunslinging
     for the hell of it
          leave me in peace with Russian roulette
   I think I deserve the excitement

I’ve been kicked
      in the teeth &
    the pain is relative to
    my fine little trinkets

of bedazzled melancholia

for the space in your dark mental basement
       where your truth resides


“Lord, help my poor soul.”