a scolding

When I saw her, she looked down like a disappointed parent. She said I get off too much on other peoples’ love because Mom had a twisted sense and the consequences were tremendous. I could guess every word before she said it. You’re looking for something that cannot be found unless you yourself created it. But you are stubborn as hell and quick to pass off every responsibility until the last second.

Then she drew a breath. Exhaled smoke and shook her head. Waves twistled like nipple tassels for a second. The wind is biting my skin and I hate that I can’t change. She said I know you’ve thought about redemption. Maybe more often than I can count. Set that expectation down, you know, the ideal one that you’ll ever get it. She blinked and smiled, and I felt a hot tear trickling down. I couldn’t face her but I couldn’t face away either. Everything that’s happened, she said kitten soft, lips buttered for show/has been on my watch, but you weren’t listening. Right there in front of your eyes every memory is burning and you… left, went so willingly into the flames almost like you are begging for death. Soon, we’ll both stand hip to hip for our final judgment. Why hurry the pace?

You see a guardian angel and I see my ball and chain. Something tells me now whatever is higher than I has us in their sights and the time to detonate may be nigh.

God’s got a trigger finger too.

–LM

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