A carnival-colored revolution
        of guerillas in action
        the festival of blood, poison
                             & gunfire

            undercover allies simper
                                            for pesos
                          amidst a mutual hatred
                                 & passion’s heartbeat
                 an island tightly wound/
                        the feisty femme fatale
                                    whispering in my ear
                                   of how badly Anton
                          has captured
                               [corrupted]               her


 sing me to sleep
             so beautifully I can’t resist
                the subtle
          a chorus of ethereal crescendos
                                  & their echoes
           falling me down, calling me back
                 to a time I was not born to
                     shifting |strong| in this vessel
               there’s blood in their voices
                      & its power speaks
               in dreams I make love
                                        to the shaman
                                        wear her talisman¤
                                 in dreams I make love
                                        to his majesty
               like I won’t l as t the night

      Living off the lonely lockpicker
                       paying only
                                   in silver
                        in dreams I am banféinní/
                        when the music stops
                        I am a survivor
                              &    you cannot afford
                                           my soul


Many Few

warm embers in the oven     chamber
    perhaps that’s just where I remain
       when my ghost says see you,

     & I can’t describe the amount of times
                                                  I’ve felt alone
                        reaching for purpose
                        straining fingers for home
                  knuckles crack and
                  as a matter of fact
                  everything else follows suit

     I didn’t think I belonged
                         so it lost its matter
                         until my mind leapt over
        & now every wind in every direction tastes
         like freedom

             & I want to extend my hand
                  however small the gesture
                        there isn’t a day that passes
                            without you in some form


G,B,I Part II

  [Authors Note: Trigger Warning, self harm]

Three childhood friends all in tears,
    unabashedly fearful this was the last
               sunset we’d ever witness
          just because a mother said
                          they’re grounded

             The once-changed trio
                       wandering a quiet city &
               trespassing school property
                         just to use the swings
               nevermind the old man watching
                & when he asked I gave him
              a fake name, but he probably knew
                      that’s why he chuckled

              my cousin’s silence 
     while I led her astray
                 to my daffodil haven
                      & smoked a joint/
               my silence when I visited
                     later and discovered
         she was higher than I ever was

  the broken glass I carved into my thighs
                   on my best friend’s bed
          blood that went on and on &
                the look of shock so real
                     on his face
             he couldn’t unfurl his tongue/
                          just close the door

     the night I ate half a methadone pill
 not knowing it was a substitute for heroin
             not knowing/ very much/ at all
        just that I’d gone
                        temporarily deaf
          in one ear [crawling because I can’t

                  the awkward car ride
                Jim Beam in his one hand
         .   .           & the other      .   . 
                       finding a direct path
                          between my thighs
                  [maybe that’s why I sliced them]
    the demon couple on my dealer’s
                balcony, the way she rubbed
                     his shoulders, then
                                   he started selling
                                tar instead of trees

                       the random find
         in a burning bush full of fireflies
              a dark forest to remind
                    Magic is [alive] and well
        the smell of a factory in Lynchburg
                 utterances of a dry county
             yet golden whiskey is sealed

          the stallion at my brother’s wedding
             renovated barn made a venue
                  the bee on my mother’s cup
                I made it halfway ’round before
                  being sternly warned
        from chasing her with her worst fear
                    the distress in the call
                           to my father that day
          he said things would never change
                            it’ll always be the same
                        so I remember
                                log it all down and
                               torch the center



Nights like these dredge up
                  campfire          memories
   good bad or indifferent all the same
            Flashes of younger days spent
                a spattering of stars at Bethpage
                most I’d ever seen
                                       in my little life,
                       & I swore to never forget
    the glowsticks we cracked
                 & streaked the walls with
                        like we were meteors
                                          in the sky

                   innumerable White Russians
                 《substituted later for bloody
                          marys &
                   a bottle of rum wide enough
                         to rattle three wild girls》

                        One sister had my name,
                        but not my face, then again
                         they were no sisters of mine

[fake baubles, imitation larimar]
                    When I awoke /on the beach
                         with their parents’ Absolut
                           {|radled} underarm
                     to an ocean clear as glass
                              how the evening palms
                           danced &     S w a y e d

                  the phone call made to you
                             in panicked haze when
                I was fifteen hundred miles away
           & the staggering bill, staggering me
                                 as if you could help me
                                    locate my room

                    the night Mars felt so close
                    his red shine seemed divine
                       [apocalyptic]/ thinking of it

                                   Which is why I avoid
                                                  going back 《
                                           in time




The apparition of you
  lingers in my shower/
  amounting steam
   growing/ but I know you’re there

       your fingers stroke, grasp
        hidden in flowing water
         & somewhere I know your ghost
          is busy murmuring
      over the music from my phone

    You exist in the lyrics
  no matter how sad the song
& I yearn
    & wash the sweat
       from my hair
         everything smells like peppermint
          self – permeation

          I wonder if we might thaw
                together now all together now
                     Shellac & tongue tied
                           No longer


No Translation

Bare my forearm
      for the machine
          Puncture me
               with the squid ink
            [It’s not that bad
              Everything hurts so,
                    focus on that    &
            Play silly games
                 Who’s tempered/who will break?
          I’m rowing a path I think you’ll take
                Reflections of candlelight
       Sunset smudge every mushroom cap
                        Or are they just glowing
                         & the second time is easier
            Maybe I just needed to wade
     These ancient buildings are crumbling
            for some reason I recall their
                     like I remember myself
                        [maybe I’m not giving credit
                             again, maybe, maybe]

               Let’s play marbles, my love
             next I’m ashore, in our built up
                        pleasure ground
                           I’ll let you win
                           I’ll let you win


[Heavily inspired by Squid Game]

Intimacy &

Moth orchids, blue dahlia &
                     collide/o/scope roses
                     shining vastly fantastical
                      inside deep violet vases
                             on your     walnut

               I still filled your plate
                 linen napkins tied with
                             strips of ivory lace
               though the silverware/remains/


[Authors Note: not sure about this one]

The Bends

A chatter box skips
between grainy static blips
  And I am  slow  to   lower
                       the volume
                       this liquid staircase

     I descend an icy shade
     a world encompassing
                 my mind state
             visions like decisions made
                           in haste, by fate
                                       in rage
      There’s an unknown king
                       from a far-away land
           stowing love letters I don’t read in my carbon
              black/ aquablue neoprene                                                                               pocket &
                   while you may fumble over
           accidental  drivel                                     &          
           my mindless

[searching for that lost gold]

   I dive low, just so, to
                            avoid your aim
                    please don’t follow, spare
                                   my hyperbaric

You may look too hard

faint underwater

& I guarantee
                     you’ll drown